I mean, really, where does it come from?! Riding up Waddington Fell yesterday, settling into a nice rhythm, feeling rather pleased with how well the ride had been going up to that point and how well my legs were coping with the climbing I let my mind wander a bit as I dragged the top of the hill towards me. I took in the scenery to either side of the road; the birds, the fields, the (annoyingly) fast moving clouds…and then i happened to glance down at the shrubbery at the roadside.
The mood was instantly shattered by a pair of arse cheeks spread for the camera, staring (if arse cheeks can stare) back at me. As I realised what I was looking at – and lost any sort of smooth pedalling motion – more and more genitalia became apparent. Reams of it, wafting in the breeze from the branches of the hedges, certainly more than one magazine’s worth (erm, i think, i don’t claim to be any sort of expert…).
Who had the idea to drive out (i’m presuming whoever it was drove out there as it was too far from civilisation for all but the most ardent walker to walk to) and dispose of their unwanted “literature” in such a way? And how did it end up so spread out (so to speak) along the roadside? Why did they not just dump it in a bin? And, perhaps most importantly, why did they not just use the internet?! I’d have thought the days of paper pr0n were long gone by now (again, not that i claim to be any sort of expert)?
Hedgerow porn – one of life’s great mysteries.